Monday, July 21, 2014

I want to Remember

Life is extremely stressful due to a certain "ex" and apart from many many tears I just can't sleep even though I woke up over an hour ago after finally getting to sleep it's now 2.54 am in the morning and I can't go back to sleep or stop my mind from racing with all these thoughts.  I know that I can't control other people to be nicer or even give a dam however when things are done without concerning themselves with the impact certain decisions have on the kids lives I find it extremely difficult to understand.

I love my kids more than anything else in the world and they are kind and caring, funny and intelligent and amazing little people.  They are just like any other kids that fight and annoy each other, can't agree on which TV show to watch but through all of this we love each other.  I wanted to write down some things I want to remember right now.

I want to remember laying in my bed with Sienna on one side of me and James on the other with my arms around them watching River Cottage Everyday "Bread" series together this afternoon and vowing to have a go at making our Sourdough Starter again.

I want to remember how Sienna negotiated with James this afternoon about how we were going to make the home made tortilla's for dinner.  She said "James what if I make them and then you can cook them because you like cooking and I'm not very good at doing the hot things"  He thought that was a great idea and I told them both how proud I was of how they handled that.

I want to remember Sienna's creativity every week making up games to play or doing a new craft activity from nature.  This week she has 3 doggies made from balloons that she drew faces on and tied string to to play with She set up an obstacle course in the garage for the dogs to jump over and go around and engaged James into playing "dog school" with her.  I want to remember James being willing to play this game with Sienna because it meant a lot to her and I was grateful he indulged her.

I want to remember that we tell each other "I love you" at least 3 times a day and often it's many more times than that on most days.

I want to remember that hugs are free in our house and that they are priceless in my books.

I want to remember that before every meal just after the plates are put down with food on it that I hug and kiss James and tell him that I love him and then I hug and kiss Sienna and tell her that I love her and then we eat.  This usually goes for morning and afternoon tea as well and it's our little ritual.

I want to remember Sienna and I dancing in our pj's with shower hair waiting for the pasta to cook.

I want to remember that James has been trying really hard to manage his behaviour when things aren't exactly the way he thinks it should be and I'm so proud of him.  Our household is a much nicer place because of it.

I want to remember that I love teaching my kids about simple living and cooking from scratch, baking bread, Anzac biscuits, home made tortillas etc.

I love that James and Sienna love my cooking.

I love that when I made my first Lasagne last Friday and James had his first mouthful he said "it's the best Lasagne he has ever tasted" and then he realized that Aunty Lisa (my sister) was with us has previously made Lasagne for us and then said "apart from Aunty Lisa's" so as to not upset her.

I love that Aunty Lisa is an amazing Aunty to James and Sienna and brings a packet of marshmallows with her every time she sees us as her little tradition.

I want to remember James learning to play the guitar in the June school holidays because we were able to borrow a guitar from our very kind friend.  I want to remember James is highly intelligent and can read music unlike his mother.

I want to remember that after a shower Sienna loves it if I put a little bit of Estee Lauder Dusting Powder on her tummy to smell nice.  She tells me she loves it because it makes her feel calm and smells like Mummy.

I want to remember that when I hopped in the shower the other day and the glass steamed up that a heart shape appeared on the glass and immediately I knew that Sienna was here and I smiled and laughed when I saw it and makes me love her even more.

I want to remember that when I hopped in the shower yesterday there was a message that appeared on the glass that said "secret message" to which I knew it was from James.  I want to remember that I mentioned to James that maybe there should be no more messages left on the shower screen if we are using up to much soap making the messages, that is unless of course it says "I love you".

I want to remember that after I got into the shower I found a message from James saying "I love Mum" and then afterwards James asked if I saw the message and I replied yes I saw it said "I love Mum".  I want to remember that he said that was only part of the message and that the rest of the message said "do you think I am a good guitar player" and I want to remember that we all had a laugh at the length of this message on the shower screen.

I want to remember (or in this case forget) about the amount of cleaning this shower is going to require this week due to said messages from my loving children.

I want to remember that James loves reading and has a vocabulary well beyond his 10 years of age.

I want to remember that Sienna has described herself as a "kind and caring person who is happy".

I want to remember these little "snowmen" drawings that James did when he was little.

I want to remember that I am grateful that I have documented a "Week in the Life" (WITL) of my little family for the past 5 years.

I want to remember that we love playing Scrabble together.

I want to remember that I am grateful that I have a passion for photographing our ordinary everyday lives and it makes me happy.

I want to remember that there are lots of times that being a Mum is really hard and that remembering all the things listed above makes it totally worth it.

I want to remember a quote I read the other day which rang true to my heart and whilst it made me laugh it totally described how some days are as a mother.

"They may be cute but these two have completely and utterly destroyed my spirit today" 

I want to remember that first and foremost I love being their Mum.


  1. Awh Kathy, I'm sorry you are awake stressed at 3.00am that's a horrible situation to be in. This post, and your kids, are just wonderful though - they are such lovely thoughtful children (it makes me realise what a pain in the neck I was to my mam!)

    1. Thanks Martina....they are amazing kids and I love them so much. Kathy

  2. Keep your chin up Kathy. Parenting can be hard at times, even when there are two parents, but to those who raise their children alone I think special blessings are sent. It is worth it in the end. You are doing the best job in the world!

    1. Thanks Julie for your lovely words. Kathy

  3. I am sorry that you thoughts whirring in your head are keeping you from sleeping, that can be so frustrating. This is a beautiful post and one that you will look back at in years to come with find memories. I hope you find peace soon.

  4. Hello from South Africa

    I popped over from Ronnie's comments and I LOVE LOVE LOVE this post!

    You're so good at remembering and documenting the details.

    Your kids sound like they're amazing and have such a capacity for showing their love to you. Good job with that!

    But I am sorry you were up in the middle of the night worrying - that is never a good sign :(

  5. Another hello from SA! I found you from
    The comment on Marcia's blog! This post both made me happy and shed tears of joy' such wonderful memories

    Hope the ex issue is resolved, and no more sleepless nights

  6. Oh Kathy you have made me cry....I'm coming off a difficult time too but different to yours. I've been dealing with illness (my own) and trying to parent a defiant strong willed child leaves me wrung out and exhausted, and that's with a supportive husband!! Thank you for making me remember the good things that are in our everyday. We sit down to dinner almost every night and say 3 good things from our day, I love this tradition.
    I admire you so much doing this job on your own, but Kathy, what a wonderful job you are doing having read all the loving 'reminders'. Your ex is the one missing out and try and not let him dampen all you are doing or dictact your mood. Easier said than done I know but you are amazing and strong and you will get through this time.....sending you a big tight squeezy cuddle (I'm renound for them ;)) love Jan x

  7. What amazing kiddos you have and some amazing things to remember.

  8. What can I say? This is a simply beautiful post Kathy.

    You have two beautiful children who love their beautiful mum, and they are not afraid to express that love to you xoxo